May contain a horde section in which you have to protect someone from waves of enemies as they open a door, hack a computer, create cross-stitch versions of Cliffy B tweets, or carry out some other time-consuming guff while you fight. Do not search for answers on forums unless you want to feel worthless. Do not approach unless you’ve spent at least 70% of your life learning to play games. The invigorating skills you began the game with will disappear in Chapter 2, leaving you feeling like the protagonist equivalent of a small child’s toy with missing batteries. The amount of time taken to complete this game will be exponentially increased depending on how easily distracted you are by flushable toilets, functioning light switches, and showers that actually get you wet.Ĭutscenes may contain a frustrating reversal in which a boss you literally just bludgeoned to death comes back to life, defeats you, and flees while telling you how lame you are. Sections of this game are taxing enough to make you stick out your tongue, chew your cheek, or otherwise pull a face that makes it look like you’re suffering from a terrible, platforming-induced palsy.Īt some point during the game, the nuanced, tactically-sound enemies you’ve been fighting will be replaced and/or supplemented with dogs, who will run fast at you while barking. Hair, skin, and age options in this game will be unsuitable for anyone not thirsty enough to roll a sassy teenage catboy.Ĭontains escort missions in which you walk 12% quicker than the NPC you’re tasked with accompanying, meaning you have to stop every 20 yards and wait for them to catch up. This game contains tedious sections which you have to navigate while semi-conscious, restrained, or hanging upside down in a sack. Menus contained within do not instantly jump to the bottom when you press up at the top, robbing you of precious seconds. Contains a first-person crevasse-jumping cutscene in which your character seemingly falls to their doom, only to be grabbed at the last minute by a teammate with whom you share a volatile, love-hate relationship.
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